Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
