I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
