I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
