He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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