why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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