Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
