Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
