I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
