I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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