dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
