rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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