I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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