its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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