I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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