Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
