dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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