Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
