Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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