She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
