sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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