I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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