she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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