I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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