chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize