my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The adults are the big ones right?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
