Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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