literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You may now shotgun with the bride
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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