Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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