wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
