sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
