mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
