Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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