I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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