i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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