i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think i have two assholes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
