atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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