For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
