we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize