Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
