Plan B is the new Plan A
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
