Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
