Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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