Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
