I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
