I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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