3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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