i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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