im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
