Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
