areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
