We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
