seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
