i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
