We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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