I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
