some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
