If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
