my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We don't watch enough power rangers
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
