I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
