My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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