It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Success! We fucked roommates!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
